Call me irresponsible

DavidMn · #1 09-12-2005, 11:32 AM

Ok, everyone has to grow up sometime right? Well, it's time for yours truly to do that, at 34..

I wont go into all the detalis here because it would take forever, but suffice it to say I lived at home until realier this year and have NEVER had to be responsible with money. I am in terrible debt now for the things I've done, and I'm just tired of it. I don't expect any sympathy because no one forced me to make the decisions I did, but what I would be interested in anyone willing to share a story about how and when they had a time in their life they HAD to grow up. My friend told me a couple years ago that I'm starting to learn stuff now that I shouldve when I was 18 and 19, and that it will be alot harder at my age. Well I didnt listen to him then, and now the chickens have come home to roost. But when I look at how hard some people have it right now, I owe it to myself to do something. Thank you in advance for anything you all are willing to share. I dont mean to make my life an open book here, but instead of running and hiding from the problem anymore, I'm going to do something about it. ANd once again I figure here is as good a place to start as any.

SuzeQuze · #2 09-12-2005, 11:49 AM

Suze Orman - The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous, and Broke. That will get you going on the right track.

Suze rocks. http://www.suzeorman.com

DavidMn · #3 09-12-2005, 11:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SuzeQuze

Suze Orman - The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous, and Broke. That will get you going on the right track.

Suze rocks. http://www.suzeorman.com

Hmm, thank you. I will look into that. I hope I'm not weird that I ask for help and advice here.

WildInTheWind · #4 09-12-2005, 12:10 PM

I'm sorry to hear you are having problems. I don't have any advice really. I was forced to grow up quick when I got pregnant at 19. That pretty much threw me into adulthood and financial responsibility. I just don't spend money on myself. THe only time I buy clothes or anything fun is when I get my tax return money. The rest of the year almost every cent goes to bills, food, clothes for my daughter ect... It sucks, but what can you do?

DavidMn · #5 09-12-2005, 12:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WildInTheWind

I'm sorry to hear you are having problems. I don't have any advice really. I was forced to grow up quick when I got pregnant at 19. That pretty much threw me into adulthood and financial responsibility. I just don't spend money on myself. THe only time I buy clothes or anything fun is when I get my tax return money. The rest of the year almost every cent goes to bills, food, clothes for my daughter ect... It sucks, but what can you do?

I have to tell you I'm envious. I wish I had that kind of responsibility you do. Oh well, there's always hope right?

DrummerDeanna · #6 09-12-2005, 12:38 PM

I grew up around 16ish - when I got a job and my mom stopped buying me things like shampoo etc...I had to get that all for myself- she was also not a cooker - so I cooked meals etc....she was on Weight Watchers - and they had some good and easy to follow recipes...

But then in 1999 I dropped out of college to by my nephew's nanny for a year - my car then started having problems and I got my first credit card

Right now I am trying to get myself out of debt as well. I haven't gotten Suze's latest book - but I did get an audio tape thing of hers (free) from work - we offer then as premiums..you know (when you pledge 938749837 dollars? ) lol....anyway -

Good luck David!

wondergirl9847 · #7 09-12-2005, 01:10 PM

LOL You told me to!!

Kidding.

Anyways, I am 29, live at home with my dad (parents divorced in 2002), I don't have a driver's license (just got a permit last month) and I've never had a boyfriend (not counting that a-hole from high school). When my parents split in 2001, I was a total wreck, I'm an only child, so I had no one to talk to. They both wanted me on their side and I was stuck in the middle. Over the course of the past 4 years, I have grown up a little bit. I'm more independent and going to England in 2003 was the greatest thing I've ever done. For those 3 weeks, I was on my own pretty much and had to make arrangements, decisions, etc. That trip helped me become an adult, I think. I fought with my mother about going over there, we fought about my going to the Woodlands show alone, we fought about me going to Beaumont to see Justin Guarini. Everytime I want to break away, she goes berserk and we fight the same frickin' fight over and over. She always says "I would have gone with you, if I didn't have to work." Well, mom, that's not the point. I want to do this on my own, I don't want you there to hold my hand all the time. You get the point.

See, you are not the only one out there who has issues with growing up.

estranged4life · #8 09-12-2005, 01:30 PM

an adult at age 7 when my Father died on Oct.22,1977...Watching the vultures swoon in and take everything we owned was beyond words, Especially when those same people were relatives.

I was again forced to become an adult when I pleaded guilty to 2 felonies in March 1988 (No jury was needed, I was wrong and I took my punishment like a man...Unlike others I blamed noone but myself)...Let's just say I had (And still to an extent) have a very short & violent temper, And if you try to provoke me I will be at yer throat and trying to end your life.

I was again forced to grow the f**k up when Deb was diagnosed with cancer in August 2003. It's funny how an illness of a loved one can change your outlook on life, And it reset my priorities in life (Which wasnt much a problem ever to begin with). What's more important, Paying debt you ran up or paying for medical treatment (While ignoring the debt/bills) so you dont end up losing your loved one since she is all I have left? Sorry, The debt doesnt mean s**t in the choice....That's a 'no-brainer'!!! (At least all our debts are credit card related & a few medical bills...No loan, car loan and/or mortage to worry about.)

Finally I was forced to grow up when my Mother died (Or as for 'us', My Mom's 5 children say "She was murdered") this year...I had to be the man in the family to keep my older siblings from losing it the whole time while trying to keep myself from losing it...I guess i did good, But who knows. It has brought back the anger issue, Which no counselor on this planet can help me work thru, No way!!! This hospital screwed my Mother up on 4 previous occassions (Including once where she sued them for mal-practice and won) and this 4th time was the final screwup, They took my Mother...I, Along with my older siblings, plan to take their whole livelyhoods!!!

People want to know why I am such a sarcastic asshole, it's easy...It's the only release I have that keeps me grounded and allows the anger to not build, Otherwise I would probably hurt many who love me by not being able to keep my emotions in check.

Growing up, is something I doubt I will ever master...It will probably only happen when they close the casket door on me.

JazmenFlowers · #9 09-12-2005, 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by estranged4life

Growing up, is something I doubt I will ever master...It will probably only happen when they close the casket door on me.

awesome point...

what a poignant story you have and it sounds like you have been through a lot. I can certainly relate to a lot of what you said, though my events are different, I can kind of understand how you must have felt. hope things are better for you now and continue to be...

reebokandlace · #10 09-12-2005, 01:31 PM

I am sorry to hear you are in debt.

My recommendation to anyone who is in debt, if it is credit card debt, is to file bankruptcy before October 17, 2005. The Bankruptcy laws change for anyone who files after that. All the paperwork is available online. You do not need an attorney to file bankruptcy, nor do I recommend wasting the money on one, (unless you own a home or are in debt to the IRS), they are not allowed to say ANYTHING when they are in court with you, which makes them useless!!! The cost to file with the court is anywhere from $125-225, depending on what state you live in. Do not try to reorganize your debt, (which is called chapter 13) and a big waste of time and money. Chapter 7 allows you to walk out of court free and clear. Your credit already sucks being in debt. And will not get better until the debt is paid off which most likely will take YEARS to get out of debt. After filing chapter 7 you will recieve a credit card, they will be standing in line to give you credit because you are no longer considered a risk because you can not file again for 7 years. Your credit score will be higher in 12 months from the day you filed than it probably has been in a long time. Worried about getting a house mortgage in the future? Don't. You are more likely to be approved for a mortgage with a Bankruptcy on your file that a mountain of debt. Got a car you want to keep during the bankruptcy, most states will let you reaffirm that debt. (That means you keep the car and as long as you agree to keep paying the monthly payments on the car!)

After October 17th it will become VERY difficult to file bankruptcy in the US. Right now it is very easy and painless and it will give you a new start. You will feel like a ton of bricks have just been taken off your shoulders and all it costs you $125-225!!!!!

realcowgirl · #11 09-12-2005, 03:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by reebokandlace

I am sorry to hear you are in debt.

My recommendation to anyone who is in debt, if it is credit card debt, is to file bankruptcy before October 17, 2005.

I have to disagree here. Both my parents, and boyfriend have gone through bankruptsies, thinking it was the only way out. It is something that will stay with you for years. It stays on your credit for something like 10 years, and after that, no matter how well you are doing, it will haunt you. My b/f went through it 8 years ago. It doesn't matter that he ...does well for himself... he still has trouble getting credit, for everything, loans, credit cards. Just last month we bought a couch and chair for our new apartment, it was one of those finance with no interest for 16 month deals - he could have payed cash with half a weeks paycheck, but he hadn't gotten the check yet, so we were going to do the finance thing -they wouldn't do it, because 8 years ago there was a bankruptcy. (also, the few credit card offers one does receive after something like that generally come with astronomical apr's)

It seems like a quick fix - I even considered it. And there are instances where it may well be the best move. But it generally doesn't fix the root of the problem. And if you don't fix the problem (maybe a better job is needed, to allow one to afford bills, maybe a reevaluation of spending habits is in order, etc) then you'll just wind up in the same place again. And if that happens, it's may no longer be an option - I believe you're only allowed to file bankruptcy once approx. every 10 years.

Anyway, I don't claim to be an expert here, and I'm definately not trying
to argue or discredit Rebokandlace's point. I just feel very strongly about this, and had to throw my 2 cents in.

JazmenFlowers · #12 09-12-2005, 03:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by realcowgirl

I have to disagree here. Both my parents, and boyfriend have gone through bankruptsies, thinking it was the only way out. It is something that will stay with you for years. It stays on your credit for something like 10 years, and after that, no matter how well you are doing, it will haunt you. My b/f went through it 8 years ago. It doesn't matter that he ...does well for himself... he still has trouble getting credit, for everything, loans, credit cards. Just last month we bought a couch and chair for our new apartment, it was one of those finance with no interest for 16 month deals - he could have payed cash with half a weeks paycheck, but he hadn't gotten the check yet, so we were going to do the finance thing -they wouldn't do it, because 8 years ago there was a bankruptcy. (also, the few credit card offers one does receive after something like that generally come with astronomical apr's)

It seems like a quick fix - I even considered it. And there are instances where it may well be the best move. But it generally doesn't fix the root of the problem. And if you don't fix the problem (maybe a better job is needed, to allow one to afford bills, maybe a reevaluation of spending habits is in order, etc) then you'll just wind up in the same place again. And if that happens, it's may no longer be an option - I believe you're only allowed to file bankruptcy once approx. every 10 years.

Anyway, I don't claim to be an expert here, and I'm definately not trying
to argue or discredit Rebokandlace's point. I just feel very strongly about this, and had to throw my 2 cents in.

I agree with you on this one. I would just say to look very closely at it and weigh all other options...to me, this is a last resort. I too have seen it stick with people for years to come...they need a new car and can afford it, but can't get one because of the bankruptcy...

reebokandlace · #13 09-12-2005, 07:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by realcowgirl

I have to disagree here. Both my parents, and boyfriend have gone through bankruptsies, thinking it was the only way out. It is something that will stay with you for years. It stays on your credit for something like 10 years, and after that, no matter how well you are doing, it will haunt you. My b/f went through it 8 years ago. It doesn't matter that he ...does well for himself... he still has trouble getting credit, for everything, loans, credit cards. Just last month we bought a couch and chair for our new apartment, it was one of those finance with no interest for 16 month deals - he could have payed cash with half a weeks paycheck, but he hadn't gotten the check yet, so we were going to do the finance thing -they wouldn't do it, because 8 years ago there was a bankruptcy. (also, the few credit card offers one does receive after something like that generally come with astronomical apr's)

It seems like a quick fix - I even considered it. And there are instances where it may well be the best move. But it generally doesn't fix the root of the problem. And if you don't fix the problem (maybe a better job is needed, to allow one to afford bills, maybe a reevaluation of spending habits is in order, etc) then you'll just wind up in the same place again. And if that happens, it's may no longer be an option - I believe you're only allowed to file bankruptcy once approx. every 10 years.

Anyway, I don't claim to be an expert here, and I'm definately not trying
to argue or discredit Rebokandlace's point. I just feel very strongly about this, and had to throw my 2 cents in.

You can file every 7 years. My best friend is a bankruptcy attorney--easiest most laid back job you could imagine---have your legal secretary fill out 26 pages, show up in court for one hour make $800-1500. Easy money. Poor little fools who think they need an attorney. Again, unless you own a house or owe IRS, then you should have an attorney.

The only people who have trouble with credit afterward are people who spent periods of time NOT paying their bills or paying them late before they file bankruptcy. This kills their credit score before the bankruptcy. Did you know one late payment on one bill knocks 20 points off your credit score instantly? If you keep your minimum payments current until the day you file your credit score will not go down. After filing bankruptcy you score drops 100 points. Not bad! When I said your credit is shot I meant that if you carry high balances you are considered a credit risk no matter what your score is. They will not give you more credit until you pay it off. Better to have no debt and a good credit score with a bankruptcy on your credit file than MAXED out cards, and no bankruptcy.

You can get unsecured credit cards, car loans and mortgages. JUST MAKE SURE YOU MAKE YOUR PAYMENTS BEFORE YOU FILE!!!

As far as your b/f goes, someone needs to look into his credit report. There may be something on there that he is not aware of. What you are describing sounds much more serious than a bankruptcy. He is entitled once a year to get all theree agencies reports for free. He needs to order them and make sure that all accounts were closed and listed as "closed due to bankrutcy" on his report. If something is still revolving deliquent it may be dragging him down. Or there may be something VERY SERIOUS on his report that he is not aware of. If there is something on there, he needs to hire an attorney to take care of it. There is NO REASON that after 8 years he is still having trouble. Even if he blew off his bills for a few months before filing, 12 months after the bankruptcy he should have been fine. Most people get credit cards within 3-6 months, unsecured. NEVER sign up for a secured Visa or the banks will label you a "sucker" and never offer you an unsecured one. If you decline the secured ones they start sending unsecured with two months. It's the GAME. Just got to know how to play it. Now if he blew something off for 2 years before filing then yeah, he is screwed for 10 years after filing. Period.

PS-- bankruptcy has been around since biblical times. It is even in the Bible that "a man should be cleared of his debts every seven years". Which many say is why the court uses "7 years" as a gage for how often you can file.

Don't feel bad, don't feel guilty or ashamed--- be relieved of your debt and be debt free! Having no debt is much less stressful and life is much more enjoyable when the money you earn is all your own!

WELSH WITCH · #14 09-12-2005, 01:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wondergirl9847

LOL You told me to!!

Kidding.

Anyways, I am 29, live at home with my dad (parents divorced in 2002), I don't have a driver's license (just got a permit last month) and I've never had a boyfriend (not counting that a-hole from high school). When my parents split in 2001, I was a total wreck, I'm an only child, so I had no one to talk to. They both wanted me on their side and I was stuck in the middle. Over the course of the past 4 years, I have grown up a little bit. I'm more independent and going to England in 2003 was the greatest thing I've ever done. For those 3 weeks, I was on my own pretty much and had to make arrangements, decisions, etc. That trip helped me become an adult, I think. I fought with my mother about going over there, we fought about my going to the Woodlands show alone, we fought about me going to Beaumont to see Justin Guarini. Everytime I want to break away, she goes berserk and we fight the same frickin' fight over and over. She always says "I would have gone with you, if I didn't have to work." Well, mom, that's not the point. I want to do this on my own, I don't want you there to hold my hand all the time. You get the point.

See, you are not the only one out there who has issues with growing up.

I know about parents. I'm 31 and still live with my mom cause it's cheaper for both of us, but somehow I never get to take my own decisions. Whenever I wanna do something it's "are you sure" or "Do you think that's wise" and stuff like that.
And on the other hand it's "you are 31, you should know."

As for money, she tought me everything I know. Only take a loan when you have no other choice, no creditcard.
I have to say I'm never in debt, I pay the bills and still have a little to safe and spend.

It's hard David, maybe keeping a log on what you get in and what goes out on a monthly basis helps. That way it's much clearer where you're money is going.
Good luck and don't be ashamed, you're not the only one.

realcowgirl · #15 09-12-2005, 02:55 PM

I started babysitting when I was 12. I've always loved horses, but my parents couldn't afford riding lessons. So, I used babysitting money to ride. I ended up working in the barn by the time I was 13, and I bought my own horse before I turned 14. I bought another horse when I was 16. so, I was always very tight with money, b/c from a young age, I had large bills to pay (horses are not cheap).

I sold my second horse at 16, when I needed to get a vehicle and a better paying job.

At 18, I moved out, and took my first horse, whom I still had, to a farm I was going to manage. I wasn't making much money, and was often in a position where "in order to buy food for the week, I have to use my credit card. If I want gas in my truck, use the card.." In addition, I suddenly needed things that I had never spent money on before - curtains, bedding, clothes, etc . . .

So, now at 24, I am finding myself in debt. A lot of debt. I've tried the working with horses thing, knowing it is nearly impossible to succeed, and have just come to the conclusion that I need to do something else. I've had to work 2 jobs (waitressing at night) just to survive, but I have been able to save nothing, and only maintain debt, not chip away at it. I haven't even been able to finish college, b/c I have had to work. I've finally accepted that to work with horses, I will have to sacrifice ever having a house, a new truck, and forget having a horse again (I gave my first horse to a retirement farm, where I can still see her, but I don't have any bills for her). I dont want to be 50 years old, and find I have to move back in with my parents, b/c my body can no longer hold up to the physical work a barn requires, and I have no skills for anything else. So, I've made some changes. I have a new job, making twice as much money (with half as many hours) and I'm learning usful skills. I will probably be able to take some classes in the near future, and I am finally knocking out big chunks of debt. It feels great to be able to pay my bills, on time, and to be able to buy life's neccesities with cash.

I also have a friend who has tried the horse thing, owned a racing stable, etc, but there just isn't money in it. At 33, she has just finished school and has just started her first job ever that has potential to support her - she's a teacher.

Point is, no matter what age, it's scary to venture out on your own, and scarier still to not really know where you are going, or how you are going to succeed. But, it is important to learn to be self sufficient, and I think it's great that you are stepping up to the plate, as they say, and are ready to take care of yourself. Better late than never.

Good luck to you. It takes hard work and effort, but I'm sure you will find a the right path for yourself.

I will now step down from my soapbox!