Feuds

[darklinensuit]

My mom and her sisters don't talk to one another. Her older sister's daughter (my mother's niece) doesn't talk to her own sister or mother, but is very close to my mother. That same older sister's husband's sister didn't talk to that sister either, but was close to my mother. I could add many more examples. In-laws and Outlaws.

We had a crazy neighbor when I was a teenager. Long story short, she was obsessed by "getting" my mother, who did her best to ignore it. Things were complicated because while the woman did not live on my street, she was best friends with our next-door-neighbor, and when my mom would go to her own car, Arlene would shout obscenities at her from the steps. I thought it was pretty crappy of our next-door neighbor Gail to allow it. (Incidentally, Arlene turned on Gail years ago, and afterwards she sued the county for money because her house literally sank far into the earth, so there is some justice.) But at the time I thought my mom went too far in being nice. The Friday before hs graduation I had a big party, & my mom ordered a sheet cake. I went with her to pick it up. As we walked from the parking space to the bakery, a car FLEW into the lot at us. Had I not jumped and grabbed my mom with me, we would have been mowed down. The car veered into a spot right nearby. Out steps Arlene with a big smile along with her young daughter. (How healthy.) I was shaking with anger, but my mom just stepped into the bakery. In my stupid youth I wished immediately that I had let Arlene hit me just to show her up. To this day I've never understood completely why my mother bent so far in terms of never doing anything to defend herself, especially since my miother can be hell on wheels when other people have given her crap. I imagine she didn't want to escalate the situations, but when somebody goes after you and your kid & harasses you by your home, action is warranted, IMO.

Many people have heard of the Bette Davis-Joan Crawford feud, which I was reminded of by the recent mention here of What Ever Happened To Baby Jane. And some people have speculated on David Letterman and Oprah Winfrey.

In my own life, I try to avoid pissing contests - not always easy in my family and my workplace. There are certainly exes I'd prefer not to bump into, but I can't say I'm feuding with anybody.

Now the questions.
- Are there feuds in your life? (In all seriousness, let's nobody refer to any squabbles between posters. )
- Are there celebrity feuds you "follow?"
- What would somebody have to do to you to draw you into an ongoing feud?

- Jake

[GateandGarden]

Wow. What a crazy neighbor, Jake.

1) Are there feuds in your life? (In all seriousness, let's nobody refer to any squabbles between posters. )
2) Are there celebrity feuds you "follow?"
3) What would somebody have to do to you to draw you into an ongoing feud?

1) I've had only two or three, personally. It's not something I generally do, though I've never been above resenting some chick I didn't really know from some class who acted snobby and superior. I tend to be petty, but I usually keep it to myself and if I ever get to the person, I wind up dropping the resentments in most cases because there is a lot more to people than the negative things we sometimes see. I guess you could say I had feuds of some sort when I was in elementary and middle school. Well, I'm not sure what to call them, really. There were some people I knew all through school who bullied me all the way through. I was "weird" and "queer." Some of my peers always targeted me for that. It didn't end until I went off to college, and even so, when I was a sophomore I lived in a suite sharing a bathroom with seven other girls and one day they took it upon to write "lesbian" all over my door. I haven't had anything like that happen since sophomore year.

Okay, that answer was too long.

2) No, but I did watch some celebrity feud show on VH-1 one time.
3) If someone attacked (verbally or otherwise) my best friend or one of my family members that might do it. Also perceived prejudiced comments do the trick, depending on the situation.

[darklinensuit]

Originally Posted by GateandGarden

Wow. What a crazy neighbor, Jake.

1) Are there feuds in your life? (In all seriousness, let's nobody refer to any squabbles between posters. )
2) Are there celebrity feuds you "follow?"
3) What would somebody have to do to you to draw you into an ongoing feud?

1) I've had only two or three, personally. It's not something I generally do, though I've never been above resenting some chick I didn't really know from some class who acted snobby and superior. I tend to be petty, but I usually keep it to myself and if I ever get to the person, I wind up dropping the resentments in most cases because there is a lot more to people than the negative things we sometimes see. I guess you could say I had feuds of some sort when I was in elementary and middle school. Well, I'm not sure what to call them, really. There were some people I knew all through school who bullied me all the way through. I was "weird" and "queer." Some of my peers always targeted me for that. It didn't end until I went off to college, and even so, when I was a sophomore I lived in a suite sharing a bathroom with seven other girls and one day they took it upon to write "lesbian" all over my door. I haven't had anything like that happen since sophomore year.

Okay, that answer was too long.

2) No, but I did watch some celebrity feud show on VH-1 one time.
3) If someone attacked (verbally or otherwise) my best friend or one of my family members that might do it. Also perceived prejudiced comments do the trick, depending on the situation.

I'm sorry you dealt with that kind of harassment from neighbors. I hope your college was supportive of you if you filed anything.
I had a dream not long ago that I went to leave for work & somebody had painted swastikas on my door. I think it was triggered by many reports of neo-Nazi activity in Houston in that last year.

- Jake

[GateandGarden]

Originally Posted by darklinensuit

I'm sorry you dealt with that kind of harassment from neighbors. I hope your college was supportive of you if you filed anything.
I had a dream not long ago that I went to leave for work & somebody had painted swastikas on my door. I think it was triggered by many reports of neo-Nazi activity in Houston in that last year.

- Jake

Thank you, Jake. Actually, the resident assistant who was supposed to be disciplining the girls was laughing at me along with them. It was a bitch but there are much worse things to endure than some idiots who are perpetually in high school laughing at you. I think the family situations (some that have been mentioned on here and others) are far more important, so I try to put things in perspective even though that's contradictory to my drama queen nature.

[darklinensuit]

Originally Posted by GateandGarden

Thank you, Jake. Actually, the resident assistant who was supposed to be disciplining the girls was laughing at me along with them. It was a bitch but there are much worse things to endure than some idiots who are perpetually in high school laughing at you. I think the family situations (some that have been mentioned on here and others) are far more important, so I try to put things in perspective even though that's contradictory to my drama queen nature.

An RA does have superiors.

- Jake

[GateandGarden]

Originally Posted by darklinensuit

An RA does have superiors.

- Jake

I know. I just chose not to pursue it.

[mylittledemon]

I had a good childhood. My mother was a homemaker and raised myself, my brother and my sister. My dad always had a good job and we never really needed anything. They didn't spoil us...but we had everything we needed and about 50% of what we wanted! My mother was a good mother and she did everything she could for us.

My family moved to Chattanooga, TN in 1992. From 92-98 we went to one church there near Cleveland. Growing up in this church I was very close to the pastor, his family and many of the kids that went to church there. In fact, I was head of the youth group at a certain point. My father however, was not a church-goer. He went on Easter and Christmas I think and that was it.

In 1998 my mother dropped the bomb on us that she and my father were getting divorced. What a shock that was...I still am not fully over it when I think about. Well I was pretty damn distraught...and guess who I went to see? Yup, my pastor. He spoke with me for an hour or so. Me, and Danny's son Tim, who was a good friend of mine, all went to see Mask of Zorro and have lunch.

Months later towards Christmastime my mother announces she is marrying Danny, who is divorcing his wife Suzy (of over 20 yrs) to marry my mother!!! After speaking to my sister months later after Christmas...my sister had known that my mother was seeing Danny about 8 months before she announced the divorce. So...that sonofabitch Danny was seeing my mother the whole time...so when I had gone to see him about the divorce he didn't have the balls to tell me. He lied to me telling me crap like "these things happen." Oh it still upsets me when I think about that day.

I will never ever trust him under any circumstance...I have very little trust in my own mother at this point too, even though I love her the same. My father of course was in complete shock...he had no clue. I suppose none of us did. We have all gone our seperate ways. My sister and mother do not speak ever. My brother and I speak to our mother maybe once every month. It's a damn shame.

[darklinensuit]

Originally Posted by mylittledemon

I had a good childhood. My mother was a homemaker and raised myself, my brother and my sister. My dad always had a good job and we never really needed anything. They didn't spoil us...but we had everything we needed and about 50% of what we wanted! My mother was a good mother and she did everything she could for us.

My family moved to Chattanooga, TN in 1992. From 92-98 we went to one church there near Cleveland. Growing up in this church I was very close to the pastor, his family and many of the kids that went to church there. In fact, I was head of the youth group at a certain point. My father however, was not a church-goer. He went on Easter and Christmas I think and that was it.

In 1998 my mother dropped the bomb on us that she and my father were getting divorced. What a shock that was...I still am not fully over it when I think about. Well I was pretty damn distraught...and guess who I went to see? Yup, my pastor. He spoke with me for an hour or so. Me, and Danny's son Tim, who was a good friend of mine, all went to see Mask of Zorro and have lunch.

Months later towards Christmastime my mother announces she is marrying Danny, who is divorcing his wife Suzy (of over 20 yrs) to marry my mother!!! After speaking to my sister months later after Christmas...my sister had known that my mother was seeing Danny about 8 months before she announced the divorce. So...that sonofabitch Danny was seeing my mother the whole time...so when I had gone to see him about the divorce he didn't have the balls to tell me. He lied to me telling me crap like "these things happen." Oh it still upsets me when I think about that day.

I will never ever trust him under any circumstance...I have very little trust in my own mother at this point too, even though I love her the same. My father of course was in complete shock...he had no clue. I suppose none of us did. We have all gone our seperate ways. My sister and mother do not speak ever. My brother and I speak to our mother maybe once every month. It's a damn shame.

Sorry you went through that. It's so hard when anger and betrayal involve parents.
I'm close to a former student whose mother & father were being counseled by a clergy member who then ended up marrying the mother. The clergy member did not have his contract renewed.

- Jake

[mylittledemon]

Originally Posted by darklinensuit

Sorry you went through that. It's so hard when anger and betrayal involve parents.
I'm close to a former student whose mother & father were being counseled by a clergy member who then ended up marrying the mother. The clergy member did not have his contract renewed.

- Jake

Yeah, and my mother's husband is still preaching. What brass cajones that fella has on him. I am civil to him for my mother's sake...because I love her...but it was screwed up man! I wouldn't have believed it had I not lived thru it. I hate to admit this, but I hoped they would be miserable with their lives because of what they had done. My mother told me a year or so ago that she "hated her life without us and the way her day today life is. But I love my husband and that's what matters now."

[darklinensuit]

Originally Posted by mylittledemon

Yeah, and my mother's husband is still preaching. What brass cajones that fella has on him. I am civil to him for my mother's sake...because I love her...but it was screwed up man! I wouldn't have believed it had I not lived thru it. I hate to admit this, but I hoped they would be miserable with their lives because of what they had done. My mother told me a year or so ago that she "hated her life without us and the way her day today life is. But I love my husband and that's what matters now."

Please don't think I'm being self-righteous, but have you tried counseling?

- Jake

[mylittledemon]

Originally Posted by darklinensuit

Please don't think I'm being self-righteous, but have you tried counseling?

- Jake

Mmm..no I havent. A girlfriend of mine suggested it years ago but I just didnt want to to do that. I probably felt like I didnt need it, or I was being weak by doing that. I did go thru a depressive period where my doc put me on Zoloft. That actually made things worse...and I truly didnt feel like I was depressed, but I'd took the Docs advice. I realized during the course of feeling like **** while taking this medicine I didn't have it so bad and I didn't need it! haha

[GardenStateGirlie]

Amazingly enough, the family BBQ I attended today--no one fought

[skcin]

Originally Posted by mylittledemon

Yeah, and my mother's husband is still preaching. What brass cajones that fella has on him. I am civil to him for my mother's sake...because I love her...but it was screwed up man! I wouldn't have believed it had I not lived thru it. I hate to admit this, but I hoped they would be miserable with their lives because of what they had done. My mother told me a year or so ago that she "hated her life without us and the way her day today life is. But I love my husband and that's what matters now."

I would feel the same way you do. To throw away your life, your family, everything...I don't know, I've never been in that situation, but I'd like to think that I wouldn't be that selfish. Sorry, I hope you're doing OK.

[mylittledemon]

Originally Posted by skcin

I would feel the same way you do. To throw away your life, your family, everything...I don't know, I've never been in that situation, but I'd like to think that I wouldn't be that selfish. Sorry, I hope you're doing OK.

And thats what I feel like she did. Threw it all away...but she is a human being and I cant fault her, even though I put her on a pedestal because she's my mother. I know she's got her own life now...so thinking that way its easier for me to deal with what happened. That was 7 years ago, it seems like yesterday, and it still hurts when I see her. I still think about what happened.

[GateandGarden]

Originally Posted by mylittledemon

My mother told me a year or so ago that she "hated her life without us and the way her day today life is. But I love my husband and that's what matters now."

I'm sorry Brandon.