Dating Preferences (Relocated Thread)

[GypsySorcerer]

This is an interesting topic.

I have usually dated older guys, mostly because I found the ones my age too immature. Although now that I am 30, that is becoming less of a problem. I wouldn't have a problem dating someone a year or two younger, but I can't picture myself with someone significantly younger, ever.

The problems I see with big age differences (15-20 years or more) are long-term. At 30, say I wanted to start a family, but my (hypothetical) 55 year-old husband/boyfriend/whatever already raised children from a first marriage (cause at that age, it's highly likely) and wanted no part of chasing a youngster around at 60.

And I had to watch my aunt play nursemaid at 50 to her dying husband, who was near 70. He treated her so horribly (and he was very sick, so his behavior in part was attributed to that). Then she was a widow at 51 or 52.... now she's back in the dating world, trying it all again.

It does come down to individuality, I think. I know some "old" twenty-somethings, and some "young" forty-somethings.

[skcin]

Originally Posted by HomerMcvie

The age has never been a problem for me(imagine that). The weight loss, however, was a SHOCK(as we hadn't seen each other for nine months), and I was told, "I no longer find you attractive, now that you're a skinny white boy". It took a couple weeks of getting used to. It's all good, now.

Not what I meant dude.

Originally Posted by mezzoforte

Um, I think Sckin meant when your gf ages 20 years, puts on 25 pounds (as in, will you toss her out with the garbage?). Not your weight loss.

THAT'S what I meant - thank you!

Originally Posted by HomerMcvie

I don't really have a problem with a little chub, on OTHERS. Honestly. My weight loss, is all for me! My family thinks I'm too thin, but I don't care. I'm where "I" want to be, and that's all that matters.

You making fat comments about Sweet Connie & Valeris Bertinelli are what started this whole conversation, but now you don't mind a few extra pounds on a woman?

Originally Posted by HomerMcvie

And yes, sex is better than ever. At 18, it's REALLY exciting, but you don't know "what" to do, to put it over the top. At 40, it's still really exciting(minus the anxiety!!!!), but you know how to get everything you want, out of it!

I'm sure many 40 year old women feel the same way.

[daniellaaarisen]

Originally Posted by jannieC

While I am told that I look young for someone of my advanced age, I would never ever want to be with a much younger man. I think the pressure would just be too much for me. Fortunately I am happily married and won't need to worry about it. I don't have a problem with age differences, but did I ever tell you guys about the client I had? She was 18 and her boyfriend was.......................................................................................wait for it...............................................72. And he was her "best friend's" grandfather.

I am not one to judge, but it really does depend on the situation. This was a really unhealthy situation (I wish I could tell details because it was just so bizarre) and the age gap was not a good thing.

Um, ADVANCED AGE?

And yeah, if it makes you feel any better....... I'd only go past 55 for Lindsay

[HomerMcvie]

Rule #1 at The Ledge???

Originally Posted by daniellaaarisen

Lindsay

LindsEy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[HomerMcvie]

Originally Posted by skcin

Not what I meant dude.
THAT'S what I meant - thank you!

You making fat comments about Sweet Connie & Valeris Bertinelli are what started this whole conversation, but now you don't mind a few extra pounds on a woman?



I'm sure many 40 year old women feel the same way.

I don't remember calling Sweet Connie fat. I DO think she's UGLY, however. And the Valerie comment was mainly, because we JOKED that Eddie VH was a chubby chaser(okay, the Connie pic with him, was how we got to the joke of him being a chubby chaser). And it was just a joke. Please.lighten.up,and.have.a.sense.of.humor,because.life's.too.short,to.be.so.serious.

And for a long time, Valerie had more than A FEW EXTRA POUNDS on her. FIFTEEN, is a few extra pounds. Fifty, is MORE than a few.

Now, why would I want a 40yo, when I can have two 20's?

[HomerMcvie]

Originally Posted by jannieC

She was 18 and her boyfriend was.......................................................................................wait for it...............................................72.

When my cousin was in her mid 20's, she got with a man in his early 60's. They finally broke up, and she moved back home(1000 miles). Well, a few months later, he followed....he moved here, and they got back together, for a few years. It took the family awhile to warm up to him(especially the women, who saw him as a cradle robber), BUT, after a year or two, he became a member of the family. They split up, a few years later(long story short-she had become a TERRIBLE alcoholic, she left him, turned lesbian, got sober, and has been, ever since), BUT, by then, he had become a complete member of our family. We invited him to every get-together, and he even attended our family reunions. He was a great guy, and just became one of us. And stayed one of us, until his death.

Moral? It took the family a while, but they finally realized, that age meant nothing. He was a wonderful person, and we grew to love him. The "number", no longer mattered.

[camchristo]

Originally Posted by daniellaaarisen

I'm 19 and the exact opposite-- I haven't dated anyone under 30 in 3 years. I've gone as old as 52 and right now, I'm involved with a 39-year-old. I have tried dating people my own age and it just feels so wrong for me, so unnatural... I really have to force it, when all my relationships with older men have not just been "easy," but successful. One lasted over a year. So hey! It changes for everyone, and I fully support Dave's decision.

So, since you've been 15, you haven't dated anyone under 30? I'm sorry. Call me a prude, but I just have a problem with that. At 15 and 16, you're still just a baby. I know people mature at different paces, but still. What 30 year old wants to date a 15 or 16 year old? Unless, of course, they don't know the truth. If they do know the truth, they have problems. I am of the opinion that an age difference matters less as you get older, but it can still be a hinderance. Until the youngest person is out of college (assuming they go to college straight from high school), a large age gap makes a huge difference. You are at two completely different places in your lives.

Even now. You're 18 - almost 19. You're a freshman in college going to frat parties and experimenting with foreskin. A 39 year old is, more than likely, settled into a career, owning a first or second home and either has a family or is ready to start one.

I'm not saying you can't get along and have fun together. Just that, in the long run, it usually doesn't work out. Take the example above. When you're ready to retire, travel and have fun, you're going to have to change your spouses diapers. Or, when you're ready to start a family, he's ready to retire.

I had a friend who was 27 when she started dating a 45 year old friend of mine. He was a young 45 for sure, but the age difference was just always there.

To each his own, but at some points in time, the age difference does become a defining point of the relationship.

[HejiraNYC]

Originally Posted by camchristo

So, since you've been 15, you haven't dated anyone under 30? I'm sorry. Call me a prude, but I just have a problem with that. At 15 and 16, you're still just a baby. I know people mature at different paces, but still. What 30 year old wants to date a 15 or 16 year old? Unless, of course, they don't know the truth. If they do know the truth, they have problems. I am of the opinion that an age difference matters less as you get older, but it can still be a hinderance. Until the youngest person is out of college (assuming they go to college straight from high school), a large age gap makes a huge difference. You are at two completely different places in your lives.

Hmmm... let's just say it begins with a "p" and rhymes with "bibliophile."

[bluefox4000]

Originally Posted by daniellaaarisen

I'm 19 and the exact opposite-- I haven't dated anyone under 30 in 3 years. I've gone as old as 52 and right now, I'm involved with a 39-year-old.

I'm creeped out.

Anyway....When I did date. I dated younger. up to 3 years younger. My Wife is just a year younger.


And I did not date that much anyway.

Mick

[HomerMcvie]

Originally Posted by bluefox4000

I'm creeped out.

Anyway....When I did date. I dated younger. up to 3 years younger. My Wife is just a year younger.

Mick

But if it works for her, it's okay, right?
People DO mature at much different rates. The 20yo that was texting me last night, may as well be 30. Same for my best friend, who's 22. They may as well be 30, because that's how they act. No drama. No teenage bullsh*t. Nice adult behavior.
However, my 23yo, while brilliant(grad student, teaching university level chemistry classes), is extremely immature, socially. And I will admit, that it sometimes feels a little awkward, in social situations. BUT, we both care for each other, and the passion is off the charts(I don't mean sex), so we're just talking it day by day. And that's the point I had to get across. Whether we last 2 days, or 2 months, or 20 years, it is, what it is. It's only good, as long as it's good for both of us.

[vivfox]

Originally Posted by camchristo

You're a freshman in college going to frat parties and experimenting with foreskin.

Quote of the month.

[daniellaaarisen]

Originally Posted by HomerMcvie

Rule #1 at The Ledge???

LindsEy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've never made that mistake before. I fail.

In regards to comments against what I said earlier-- don't care what you guys say about it, to the point that I'm not reading your posts. Sorry. I've been criticized for this by people whose opinions I actually care about (people I know and love in real life) and it still hasn't changed my stance. Also, I turn 19 in 2 weeks-- didn't started dating older people until I was halfway through 16. Call it whatever you want, but it's worked very well for me and I am happy with the decisions I've made.

[HomerMcvie]

Originally Posted by daniellaaarisen

I've never made that mistake before. I fail.

In regards to comments against what I said earlier-- don't care what you guys say about it, to the point that I'm not reading your posts. Sorry. I've been criticized for this by people whose opinions I actually care about (people I know and love in real life) and it still hasn't changed my stance. Also, I turn 19 in 2 weeks-- didn't started dating older people until I was halfway through 16. Call it whatever you want, but it's worked very well for me and I am happy with the decisions I've made.

LindsAy's The Bionic Woman! (did I just date myself?)

I think you have the perfect outlook, on this situation. Only you know, who and what, makes you happy.
Good for you!

[camchristo]

Originally Posted by daniellaaarisen

I've never made that mistake before. I fail.

In regards to comments against what I said earlier-- don't care what you guys say about it, to the point that I'm not reading your posts. Sorry. I've been criticized for this by people whose opinions I actually care about (people I know and love in real life) and it still hasn't changed my stance. Also, I turn 19 in 2 weeks-- didn't started dating older people until I was halfway through 16. Call it whatever you want, but it's worked very well for me and I am happy with the decisions I've made.

Dani, you probably won't read this, since you're skipping over these opinions, but that's ok. 16 1/2 and 30 are worlds apart on most every level. I know you feel like an old soul. I was pretty mature early on too. But when I look back now, I can realize that I was still immature when it came to relationships. I thought I was so mature when I was 17 with a 22 year old boyfriend. Now I realize how stupid I was and what a loser he was (and still is). He dated younger people so he could control them and so that they would not realize what a big loser he was (because they didn't have the life experience to know any better).

And, from some of the things you've posted, I'm of the impression that this hasn't worked very well for you. It seems that you are often in relationship dramas and dealing with these men blowing you off and being aloof.

I'm not trying to change your mind. I know I can't and I don't really care, just stating my opinion and engaging in the debate.

[jannieC]

Originally Posted by HomerMcvie

Moral? It took the family a while, but they finally realized, that age meant nothing. He was a wonderful person, and we grew to love him. The "number", no longer mattered.

Definitely not the situation with my client but believe me, we all debated it. My clinical supervisor is a (beloved) pervy 66 year old man so he LOVED this story; it gave him "hope". lol

I worry about Dani (she knows this) but truthfully, it's hard to change who you're attracted to. I worry more about the type of man who would want to be in a serious relationship with someone so young (not necessarily talking about Dani, here).