Feuds

darklinensuit · #1 07-03-2005, 02:13 PM

My mom and her sisters don't talk to one another. Her older sister's daughter (my mother's niece) doesn't talk to her own sister or mother, but is very close to my mother. That same older sister's husband's sister didn't talk to that sister either, but was close to my mother. I could add many more examples. In-laws and Outlaws.

We had a crazy neighbor when I was a teenager. Long story short, she was obsessed by "getting" my mother, who did her best to ignore it. Things were complicated because while the woman did not live on my street, she was best friends with our next-door-neighbor, and when my mom would go to her own car, Arlene would shout obscenities at her from the steps. I thought it was pretty crappy of our next-door neighbor Gail to allow it. (Incidentally, Arlene turned on Gail years ago, and afterwards she sued the county for money because her house literally sank far into the earth, so there is some justice.) But at the time I thought my mom went too far in being nice. The Friday before hs graduation I had a big party, & my mom ordered a sheet cake. I went with her to pick it up. As we walked from the parking space to the bakery, a car FLEW into the lot at us. Had I not jumped and grabbed my mom with me, we would have been mowed down. The car veered into a spot right nearby. Out steps Arlene with a big smile along with her young daughter. (How healthy.) I was shaking with anger, but my mom just stepped into the bakery. In my stupid youth I wished immediately that I had let Arlene hit me just to show her up. To this day I've never understood completely why my mother bent so far in terms of never doing anything to defend herself, especially since my miother can be hell on wheels when other people have given her crap. I imagine she didn't want to escalate the situations, but when somebody goes after you and your kid & harasses you by your home, action is warranted, IMO.

Many people have heard of the Bette Davis-Joan Crawford feud, which I was reminded of by the recent mention here of What Ever Happened To Baby Jane. And some people have speculated on David Letterman and Oprah Winfrey.

In my own life, I try to avoid pissing contests - not always easy in my family and my workplace. There are certainly exes I'd prefer not to bump into, but I can't say I'm feuding with anybody.

Now the questions.
- Are there feuds in your life? (In all seriousness, let's nobody refer to any squabbles between posters.

)
- Are there celebrity feuds you "follow?"
- What would somebody have to do to you to draw you into an ongoing feud?

- Jake

GateandGarden · #2 07-03-2005, 02:24 PM

Wow. What a crazy neighbor, Jake.

1) Are there feuds in your life? (In all seriousness, let's nobody refer to any squabbles between posters.

)
2) Are there celebrity feuds you "follow?"
3) What would somebody have to do to you to draw you into an ongoing feud?

1) I've had only two or three, personally. It's not something I generally do, though I've never been above resenting some chick I didn't really know from some class who acted snobby and superior. I tend to be petty, but I usually keep it to myself and if I ever get to the person, I wind up dropping the resentments in most cases because there is a lot more to people than the negative things we sometimes see. I guess you could say I had feuds of some sort when I was in elementary and middle school. Well, I'm not sure what to call them, really. There were some people I knew all through school who bullied me all the way through. I was "weird" and "queer." Some of my peers always targeted me for that. It didn't end until I went off to college, and even so, when I was a sophomore I lived in a suite sharing a bathroom with seven other girls and one day they took it upon to write "lesbian" all over my door. I haven't had anything like that happen since sophomore year.

Okay, that answer was too long.

2) No, but I did watch some celebrity feud show on VH-1 one time.
3) If someone attacked (verbally or otherwise) my best friend or one of my family members that might do it. Also perceived prejudiced comments do the trick, depending on the situation.

**mylittledemon** · #3 07-03-2005, 02:26 PM

I had a good childhood. My mother was a homemaker and raised myself, my brother and my sister. My dad always had a good job and we never really needed anything. They didn't spoil us...but we had everything we needed and about 50% of what we wanted! My mother was a good mother and she did everything she could for us.

My family moved to Chattanooga, TN in 1992. From 92-98 we went to one church there near Cleveland. Growing up in this church I was very close to the pastor, his family and many of the kids that went to church there. In fact, I was head of the youth group at a certain point. My father however, was not a church-goer. He went on Easter and Christmas I think and that was it.

In 1998 my mother dropped the bomb on us that she and my father were getting divorced. What a shock that was...I still am not fully over it when I think about. Well I was pretty damn distraught...and guess who I went to see? Yup, my pastor. He spoke with me for an hour or so. Me, and Danny's son Tim, who was a good friend of mine, all went to see Mask of Zorro and have lunch.

Months later towards Christmastime my mother announces she is marrying Danny, who is divorcing his wife Suzy (of over 20 yrs) to marry my mother!!! After speaking to my sister months later after Christmas...my sister had known that my mother was seeing Danny about 8 months before she announced the divorce. So...that sonofabitch Danny was seeing my mother the whole time...so when I had gone to see him about the divorce he didn't have the balls to tell me. He lied to me telling me crap like "these things happen." Oh it still upsets me when I think about that day.

I will never ever trust him under any circumstance...I have very little trust in my own mother at this point too, even though I love her the same. My father of course was in complete shock...he had no clue. I suppose none of us did. We have all gone our seperate ways. My sister and mother do not speak ever. My brother and I speak to our mother maybe once every month. It's a damn shame.

darklinensuit · #4 07-03-2005, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GateandGarden

Wow. What a crazy neighbor, Jake.

1) Are there feuds in your life? (In all seriousness, let's nobody refer to any squabbles between posters.

)
2) Are there celebrity feuds you "follow?"
3) What would somebody have to do to you to draw you into an ongoing feud?

1) I've had only two or three, personally. It's not something I generally do, though I've never been above resenting some chick I didn't really know from some class who acted snobby and superior. I tend to be petty, but I usually keep it to myself and if I ever get to the person, I wind up dropping the resentments in most cases because there is a lot more to people than the negative things we sometimes see. I guess you could say I had feuds of some sort when I was in elementary and middle school. Well, I'm not sure what to call them, really. There were some people I knew all through school who bullied me all the way through. I was "weird" and "queer." Some of my peers always targeted me for that. It didn't end until I went off to college, and even so, when I was a sophomore I lived in a suite sharing a bathroom with seven other girls and one day they took it upon to write "lesbian" all over my door. I haven't had anything like that happen since sophomore year.

Okay, that answer was too long.

2) No, but I did watch some celebrity feud show on VH-1 one time.
3) If someone attacked (verbally or otherwise) my best friend or one of my family members that might do it. Also perceived prejudiced comments do the trick, depending on the situation.

I'm sorry you dealt with that kind of harassment from neighbors. I hope your college was supportive of you if you filed anything.
I had a dream not long ago that I went to leave for work & somebody had painted swastikas on my door. I think it was triggered by many reports of neo-Nazi activity in Houston in that last year.

- Jake

Mari · #5 07-03-2005, 02:34 PM

Quote:

- Are there feuds in your life? (In all seriousness, let's nobody refer to any squabbles between posters. )

lol.. good, I won't mention all the internet feuds, that saves me a long story!!

Family: I haven't talked to my dad in 12 years now, that's since my parents divorced. The split up wasn't the reason, it just made it easier for me to finally do that. I would've left the house and did the same thing maybe

. It's a long story that's a bit too personal here, but I just don't have any positive feelings for him left. On top of whatever he's done, he's a very manipulative person too, so not being in contact makes my life a lot more pleasant.
A few years after that break, I also lost contact with my father's family, and that makes me a lot more sad.. the feud is between them and my mother, but I felt I had to pick my mothers' side on this. That family is sick, I guess. There's all these little and big secrets that everyone knows off but that you're not supposed to talk about. Like my late grandfather and how he treated his children. I guess I'm glad I don't have to play that game anymore but I do miss a lot of them.

Quote:

- Are there celebrity feuds you "follow?"

Not really. Doesn't interest me much.

Quote:

- What would somebody have to do to you to draw you into an ongoing feud?

If someone says untruthful things about or is very unfair to people who mean a lot to me. I find that very important, to speak out in such situations.

skcin · #6 07-03-2005, 02:36 PM

I have 2 feuds in my life. One has resolved, to a point.

Feud #1 I was good friends with this girl Nikki from 10th grade until we were about 25 or 26 (I can't even remember how many years ago the incident happened.) My parents used to own a bar & I'd meet up with friends pretty frequently. Anyhoo, Nikki started hanging around with this couple when we were around 24 maybe; I never liked them much because they were pretty into drugs & are racist (scary racist, bordering on skinhead stuff.)

So we're hanging out, hubby was there, as were his parents & my mom - I think it was a holiday party or karaoke or something that night. Nikki asks me for a mirror & I naively say "there's one on the wall in the bathroom, jackass." About an hour later, I realize that she and the racist girl had been in the bathroom for a while & *dingdingding* they must be doing lines.

Knowing if anyone finds out & calls the cops, my parents could get really screwed with drugs on the premesis. So I go in. There's only one stall & they're both in it. I start screaming at her to get out of the stall & they do, friend walks out of tha bathroom & Nikki starts apologizing. I tell her to get out & I try to leave the bathroom. She blocks the door, crying, saying she's so sorry, please don't be mad. I smack her in the face. She leaves, I come out screaming & crying to hubby. Nazi racist friend comes in & starts screaming at me, I try to walk away, she pushes me into my MIL. I turn around to hit her & all the guys with both of us separate us & it's over. I didn't speak to Nikki for about 2 years, and things were never the same even after we did speak again when our mutual friends got married/ had babies/ etc.

Feud # 2 is with my friend who ruined her husband's (who was my friend since I was 15) and kids' lives with her painkiller addiction. Long story short, she spent all of their savings, neglected the kids by leaving them in the car/other rooms while she f*cked men for pills, drank & popped pills in front of them, etc. Then one day she swallowed a bunch of pills (obvious pathetic "cry for help" since she called her mommy right after she did it) with her kids in the house & ended up in the hospital. She left without a full rehab & is still on drugs as far as I know. They split up, he almost lost the house, he lost her son (from a previous marriage - he moved out of state with his biological dad.) I hope I never see her again.

I don't bother with celebrity stuff, but the Tom Cruise Brooke Shields thing is hilarious.

darklinensuit · #7 07-03-2005, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mylittledemon

I had a good childhood. My mother was a homemaker and raised myself, my brother and my sister. My dad always had a good job and we never really needed anything. They didn't spoil us...but we had everything we needed and about 50% of what we wanted! My mother was a good mother and she did everything she could for us.

My family moved to Chattanooga, TN in 1992. From 92-98 we went to one church there near Cleveland. Growing up in this church I was very close to the pastor, his family and many of the kids that went to church there. In fact, I was head of the youth group at a certain point. My father however, was not a church-goer. He went on Easter and Christmas I think and that was it.

In 1998 my mother dropped the bomb on us that she and my father were getting divorced. What a shock that was...I still am not fully over it when I think about. Well I was pretty damn distraught...and guess who I went to see? Yup, my pastor. He spoke with me for an hour or so. Me, and Danny's son Tim, who was a good friend of mine, all went to see Mask of Zorro and have lunch.

Months later towards Christmastime my mother announces she is marrying Danny, who is divorcing his wife Suzy (of over 20 yrs) to marry my mother!!! After speaking to my sister months later after Christmas...my sister had known that my mother was seeing Danny about 8 months before she announced the divorce. So...that sonofabitch Danny was seeing my mother the whole time...so when I had gone to see him about the divorce he didn't have the balls to tell me. He lied to me telling me crap like "these things happen." Oh it still upsets me when I think about that day.

I will never ever trust him under any circumstance...I have very little trust in my own mother at this point too, even though I love her the same. My father of course was in complete shock...he had no clue. I suppose none of us did. We have all gone our seperate ways. My sister and mother do not speak ever. My brother and I speak to our mother maybe once every month. It's a damn shame.

Sorry you went through that. It's so hard when anger and betrayal involve parents.
I'm close to a former student whose mother & father were being counseled by a clergy member who then ended up marrying the mother. The clergy member did not have his contract renewed.

- Jake

darklinensuit · #8 07-03-2005, 02:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mari

lol.. good, I won't mention all the internet feuds, that saves me a long story!!

Family: I haven't talked to my dad in 12 years now, that's since my parents divorced. The split up wasn't the reason, it just made it easier for me to finally do that. I would've left the house and did the same thing maybe

. It's a long story that's a bit too personal here, but I just don't have any positive feelings for him left. On top of whatever he's done, he's a very manipulative person too, so not being in contact makes my life a lot more pleasant.
A few years after that break, I also lost contact with my father's family, and that makes me a lot more sad.. the feud is between them and my mother, but I felt I had to pick my mothers' side on this. That family is sick, I guess. There's all these little and big secrets that everyone knows off but that you're not supposed to talk about. Like my late grandfather and how he treated his children. I guess I'm glad I don't have to play that game anymore but I do miss a lot of them.

Not really. Doesn't interest me much.

If someone says untruthful things about or is very unfair to people who mean a lot to me. I find that very important, to speak out in such situations.

My mom feuded with my dad's family for years, but now she is very supportive of them. I'm amazed by her power to forgive, especially since the saga sounds like a season of Dynasty, down to blackmail, arrests, asylums, and so on. It would take a day just to describe it.

Mari · #9 07-03-2005, 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by darklinensuit

My mom feuded with my dad's family for years, but now she is very supportive of them. I'm amazed by her power to forgive, especially since the saga sounds like a season of Dynasty, down to blackmail, arrests, asylums, and so on. It would take a day just to describe it.

hah, I think it could take a day to explain our family situation too. Glad your mum got a good end of it. I hope I can get in touch with some of my family members one day, but I guess I'm a little chicken too. It's weird, I know I havent'done anything wrong, but I'm afraid a bit of how they'd readt on me.

darklinensuit · #10 07-03-2005, 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by skcin

I have 2 feuds in my life. One has resolved, to a point.

Feud #1 I was good friends with this girl Nikki from 10th grade until we were about 25 or 26 (I can't even remember how many years ago the incident happened.) My parents used to own a bar & I'd meet up with friends pretty frequently. Anyhoo, Nikki started hanging around with this couple when we were around 24 maybe; I never liked them much because they were pretty into drugs & are racist (scary racist, bordering on skinhead stuff.)

So we're hanging out, hubby was there, as were his parents & my mom - I think it was a holiday party or karaoke or something that night. Nikki asks me for a mirror & I naively say "there's one on the wall in the bathroom, jackass." About an hour later, I realize that she and the racist girl had been in the bathroom for a while & *dingdingding* they must be doing lines.

Knowing if anyone finds out & calls the cops, my parents could get really screwed with drugs on the premesis. So I go in. There's only one stall & they're both in it. I start screaming at her to get out of the stall & they do, friend walks out of tha bathroom & Nikki starts apologizing. I tell her to get out & I try to leave the bathroom. She blocks the door, crying, saying she's so sorry, please don't be mad. I smack her in the face. She leaves, I come out screaming & crying to hubby. Nazi racist friend comes in & starts screaming at me, I try to walk away, she pushes me into my MIL. I turn around to hit her & all the guys with both of us separate us & it's over. I didn't speak to Nikki for about 2 years, and things were never the same even after we did speak again when our mutual friends got married/ had babies/ etc.

Feud # 2 is with my friend who ruined her husband's (who was my friend since I was 15) and kids' lives with her painkiller addiction. Long story short, she spent all of their savings, neglected the kids by leaving them in the car/other rooms while she f*cked men for pills, drank & popped pills in front of them, etc. Then one day she swallowed a bunch of pills (obvious pathetic "cry for help" since she called her mommy right after she did it) with her kids in the house & ended up in the hospital. She left without a full rehab & is still on drugs as far as I know. They split up, he almost lost the house, he lost her son (from a previous marriage - he moved out of state with his biological dad.) I hope I never see her again.

I don't bother with celebrity stuff, but the Tom Cruise Brooke Shields thing is hilarious.

I haven't followed Tom & Brooke, though I'm impressed if she's holding her own. I was never terribly impressed by her brains, Princeton ed notwithstanding.

I am lucky that drugs have had minimal effect on the people closest to me. My situation is the exception, it seems.

- Jake

**mylittledemon** · #11 07-03-2005, 02:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by darklinensuit

Sorry you went through that. It's so hard when anger and betrayal involve parents.
I'm close to a former student whose mother & father were being counseled by a clergy member who then ended up marrying the mother. The clergy member did not have his contract renewed.

- Jake

Yeah, and my mother's husband is still preaching. What brass cajones that fella has on him. I am civil to him for my mother's sake...because I love her...but it was screwed up man! I wouldn't have believed it had I not lived thru it. I hate to admit this, but I hoped they would be miserable with their lives because of what they had done. My mother told me a year or so ago that she "hated her life without us and the way her day today life is. But I love my husband and that's what matters now."

GateandGarden · #12 07-03-2005, 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by darklinensuit

I'm sorry you dealt with that kind of harassment from neighbors. I hope your college was supportive of you if you filed anything.
I had a dream not long ago that I went to leave for work & somebody had painted swastikas on my door. I think it was triggered by many reports of neo-Nazi activity in Houston in that last year.

- Jake

Thank you, Jake.

Actually, the resident assistant who was supposed to be disciplining the girls was laughing at me along with them.

It was a bitch but there are much worse things to endure than some idiots who are perpetually in high school laughing at you. I think the family situations (some that have been mentioned on here and others) are far more important, so I try to put things in perspective even though that's contradictory to my drama queen nature.

darklinensuit · #13 07-03-2005, 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mari

hah, I think it could take a day to explain our family situation too. Glad your mum got a good end of it. I hope I can get in touch with some of my family members one day, but I guess I'm a little chicken too. It's weird, I know I havent'done anything wrong, but I'm afraid a bit of how they'd readt on me.

Not to be preachy, but if it's something you want, don't let fear stop you. Don't wait until after someone dies.

- Jake

GardenStateGirlie · #14 07-03-2005, 02:49 PM

We don't talk to a lot of my family. In fact, i'm being forced to go to a family BBQ this afternoon with my fathers side of the family

Everything is so complicated because there is divorce, remarriage, etc. To begin, my father and his twin brother never knew their father (and in fact, he passed away last Wednesday). He abandoned my grandmother in Italy and then went on to have twins of his own with some other woman. My dad and his brother are 57. They have two half-brothers (Salvatore and Anthony) and a half-sister, Rose. My dad and his twin brother haven't been on the best of terms for the past few years which in turn, caused his daughter (who is expecting her first child this week) and son to treat me like complete crap. We all live in the same housing development and i'd wave as I was leaving and they were coming in and they'd ignore me. My father doesn't like Sal (he's a bit of a blowhard) nor his sister Rose (she's a total space cadet and that's putting it mildly). My grandmother likes to cause problems between my dad and his twin brother and her husband (he's also 100% Italian and has cheated on her for years) and my dad and my dads brother do not get along. I hate him and he knows it.

My mom has a half-sister she's only met once and then she has a brother whom she's currently duking it out with. He and his first wife are divorced and my mom took care of their son (my cousin who is like a brother to me) when he was little because both of them were school teachers. Well, Eric has always been incredibly close to us but this past Christmas my uncle made some comments that my mom didn't really like. My uncle has a step son he's always treated like crap and is rather controlling of his wife. My mom said something about it--at their house

Merry Christmas! He threw a soda can at my mom and they haven't spoken since.

As far as celebrity feuds, I love anything having to do with Lindsay Lohan because it seems like she's fighting every five seconds with someone new.

I'm incredibly laxed and don't enjoy confrontation unless I feel it's absolutely warranted. The only feud I've had is with a coworker talking about me and the rest of my coworkers incessantly. She and I have had shouting matches -- it took a year and a half for me to get adaquately wound up until I finally explode. Generally, i'll ignore things because I like to keep the peace. This woman went too far.

darklinensuit · #15 07-03-2005, 02:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mylittledemon

Yeah, and my mother's husband is still preaching. What brass cajones that fella has on him. I am civil to him for my mother's sake...because I love her...but it was screwed up man! I wouldn't have believed it had I not lived thru it. I hate to admit this, but I hoped they would be miserable with their lives because of what they had done. My mother told me a year or so ago that she "hated her life without us and the way her day today life is. But I love my husband and that's what matters now."

Please don't think I'm being self-righteous, but have you tried counseling?

- Jake